Where is Mr Coconuts?
by Twisteddarkness225
Summary: Luan comes home after an outing with her sisters and discovers that her most cherished belonging isn't where she left him. Rated T for some suggestiveness.


**Here's a little something that I've had in the works for a good while now. It's been on my mind so often lately that I had to finish it up otherwise I wouldn't be able to focus on other things. As always honest reviews and constructive criticisms are welcome.**

 **Where is Mr. Coconuts?**

 **Disclaimer:** I do not own the Loud House and make no profit from this story.

Any performer who took their profession seriously knew that the tools of their given trade were more than essential. In the case of comedy, the props that one utilized for any routine were to be treated with the same care that a surgeon used with their own tools. And Luan Loud was no stranger to that necessity, particularly when it was in regard to her most beloved of comedy related items: her ventriloquist dummy, Mr. Coconuts.

Ever since she had first received her little, wooden companion, Luan had rarely let him out of her sight. She treated him with so much love and care that it went beyond simple ownership of a mere object. Luan, like many ventriloquists, gave him a distinct personality and had become very much enamored with him. So much so that Luan's sisters would often give her odd looks or make biting comments about it, but she just brushed them off. She had dealt with worse hecklers at school, so it wasn't a big deal. Besides, she could always rely on having Mr. Coconuts around to help her make a bad day better. As long as he had him, she would always be able to smile.

Which is why she was starting to worry.

He was gone. That morning she had him right there on her bed while she was thinking up new jokes for her next gig and then she had to get going for an outing to the mall with her three older sisters. When she had gotten back into her room after they had returned, Mr. Coconuts was nowhere to be seen. And Luan instantly knew that something was wrong.

Dropping her bags from the mall, she rushed over to her bed and started to look around for her dear Mr. Coconuts. She always made sure to make her bed in the morning, so there was no question as to whether or not he would be tangled within the sheets or beneath a pillow. Nor could be be stuck between the mattress and the wall. There wasn't enough space for him to fit in there. He couldn't be in his trunk either, the case was sitting wide open and was clearly empty.

"Mr. Coconuts?" she called out, as though she would actually receive an answer. "Mr. Coconuts! Where are you?"

Her worry was growing, nearly turning into panic as she continued her search. For good measure she took a look in the closet, checked around Luna's musical equipment and even looked up on the top bunk just in case he had for whatever reason been put up there. But she still couldn't find him anywhere.

"Okay, let's try and be rational about this." Luan thought aloud, trying to calm herself. "If he isn't where I left him, then maybe someone just...borrowed him without asking me. Let's see, it could be Lola. She could just have him over for one of her tea parties. Or maybe Lincoln is playing with him. Oh, no...would Lisa be using him in an experiment?!"

Silently praying that she was wrong, Luan turned to head straight for Lisa's room. But just as she reached the door, she bumped into Luna who was on her way in.

"Dude! Watch it!"

"Sorry Luna! I didn't mean it, I'm just in a hurry!" Luan explained, trying to step around her sister.

"Whoa there, sis. Take it easy. What's the rush?" Luna asked.

"I can't find Mr. Coconuts." the comedian replied.

"Didn't you leave him on your bed?"

"Yes, I did. But now he's gone! It's like he just vanished!"

"Have you tried looking _under_ your bed?"

Luan shook her head. "No, I didn't think to look there."

"Well, let's take a looksie before you go running around all over the house for him, okay?" Luna said, patting her little sister's shoulder assuringly. "Here, I'll check for you. You just take a deep breath and try to chill."

Luna stepped over to the bottom bunk and knelt down. She then leaned over and reached under the bed, patting the floor for the missing dummy. Finding nothing at first, she tried laying down on her side so she could reach further underneath. The tip of her tongue stuck out of the corner of her mouth while she focused on her objective.

"Nope...nada...not that either...hey, what's this?" She asked, mostly to herself as she sat up and took out a long, scaly strip from beneath the bed. "Aw, sweet! Check it out, sis! Looks like El Diablo left us a little present! Pretty fresh too, maybe even from this morning!"

"Tha...that was under my bed?" Luan asked with mild shock, a frigtening possibility occurring to her. "How...how sure are you that it's from _this_ morning?"

"Pretty sure. Lana let me watch him shed the last time it happened. Hey, do you think that she'll let me keep this?" Luna asked, only to get no response as her sister was no long her in the room. "Dude? Where'd she go?"

By the time Luna had noticed that her roommate had vacated their shared space, Luan had made it to the opposite end of the hall and let herself into the twins' bedroom. Her eyes scanned the side that was Lana's half and after seeing no sign of the serpent she was seeking, she began to go through her little sister's things. Unlike Luan's bed, Lana's was an unkempt mess. The sheets and blanket were off of the mattress, allowing Luan to find nothing was there save for some crumbs from Lana's habit of eating snacks in bed. Next she went to search underneath the bed, but stopped herself just before reaching underneath. Should the large reptile actually be there, she wouldn't want to risk agitating it even a little bit. She'd need to find another way to check.

Taking another quick look around the room yielded nothing that Luan could use to prod under Lana's bed. She thought to check the closet for something and bounded over, flinging the doors open. There were multiple dresses hanging up on coat hangers within. And some of those coat hangers were made of steel wire. Those would work nicely. But just as she reached for the nearest one, a small, gloved hand slapped at her own.

"Hey, hey, hey!" Came the voice of her younger sister Lola. "No touching the merchandise! You can do what you want with Lana's stuff, but keep your mitts off of mine!"

Luan retracted her hand, rubbing the mild sore spot from where her younger sister had struck it. She knelt down, giving the blonde a pleading look and putting her hands onto the girl's shoulders.

"Lola, I'm looking for Lana's pet snake. Please tell me if you know where he might be!"

The pageant princess tilted her head to the side. "You're going to have to be more specific. Lana has more than one pet snake."

"El Diablo!"

"Oh, the big one. Right. He's probably out back with Lana. I saw them both going out the doggie door about an hour ago."

"An hour ago? Are you sure that they're still out there?"

"How should I know?!" Lola snipped, throwing her arms up into the air. "I'm her twin, not her keeper! Go and see for yourself!"

Luan hurried over to the window and peeked outside. She quickly noticed movement and saw Lana hopping around on her pogo stick. Her eyes scanned the rest of the yard and she soon also saw El Diablo as well. The snake was down by roots of the tree out back, basking in the sun. And to Luan's horror, there was a large lump within the serpent's belly.

With wide eyes and a frightened gasp, Luan fled out of the room, down the stairs and out into the backyard. She ran to the tree and sank to her knees, finding that what she had seen was all too true. El Diablo had undoubtedly enjoyed a meal recently, and the size of the bulge in his belly was remarkably similar to the size of Luan's dear Mr. Coconuts. She tried to convince herself that it was just her imagination. That it couldn't possibly be what she thought it was. But she could not deny the obvious when it was right in front of her.

Fear and grief began to overwhelm her, tears filling the corners of her eyes. Luan's hand trembled as she reached out to touch the part of the reptile where her beloved dummy was now trapped. But she noticed movement out of the corner of her eye. El Diablo's tongue was flicking in and out of his mouth, his lidless eyes locked onto her. Her eyes met with his for a moment, and she began to feel angry. The sight of those cold, emotionless eyes made her blood boil.

"You..." she whispered to the snake, her hands clenching into fists. "You...How... _DARE YOU!_ Give him back to me!"

Luan, blinded by her anger, went to grab El Diablo so she could...well, she wasn't really sure what she'd do. But she knew she had to try and do something. If there was even the tiniest chance she could save Mr. Coconuts, she would need to act fast. And if that meant she would have to fight with a large snake, then so be it.

Luan's hands flew towards the reptile's body, aiming for the spot just behind his head. Luckily, her reckless attempt to handle the dangerous pet was quickly thwarted as she found herself being tackled to the ground.

"Are you nuts?!" Lana exclaimed. "Do you even have _any_ idea what you're doing?!"

"I _was_ about to teach that over-sized belt a lesson!" Luan snapped, her anger still strong.

"Well, that answers one question. You're nuts alright. Can you at least tell me why you were attacking him?"

"Because of that!" Luan spat, pointing to the bulge in the snake's body. "He ate Mr. Coconuts and I'm getting him back even if I have to crawl in there to get him!"

"Wow. You know, you really aren't doing a good job convincing me you aren't totally cuckoo for cocoa puffs right now. So...let's just cut to the chase. What the hey makes you think that he ate your doll?"

"I _know_ that he ate Mr. Coconuts! I left him in my room, on my bed before I went out with Lori, Leni and Luna earlier. But when I came home, he was gone! And that one..." she said, thrusting her arm in El Diablo's direction. "Left fresh skin under my bed! It's pretty obvious what happened. Now make him spit my man out!"

Lana rolled her eyes. "Okay, since you're clearly not a snake expert, and also clearly out of your mind, let me explain something. Snakes find food by smell or by body heat. So I really doubt that El Diablo would mistake Mr. Coconuts for food. You know, since he has no body heat and probably wouldn't smell like food to a snake?"

Luan took in her younger sister's words. She was starting to calm down a little and see the irrationality of her previous thoughts. But her worry remained, now with new questions to fuel it.

"You...you're sure about that?" she asked.

"Absolutely." Lana said with a smile and a nod. "There's no way he ate Mr. Coconuts. That lump in his belly wasn't there when we came out to play. It's probably just a squirrel. Then again, it is pretty big. Maybe it's a rabbit. Or a groundhog." she thought aloud, resting her chin on her hand. "Hope it isn't someone's cat again."

Luan felt relieved to know that her assumption had been wrong. In hindsight it did seem a tad ridiculous to have thought a snake would eat her wooden companion. But as her fear began to ebb away, her curiosity as to where Mr. Coconuts could be returned. Taking a moment to apologize and thank her little sister, Luan headed back into the house and up to the second floor. She would just have to take the time to look through each room one by one if that's what she needed to do to find him. And she'd question each of her other siblings, perhaps even enlisting them to her cause. First on her list would be Lincoln. She knew she could rely on him for help.

As she approached his door she noticed that she could hear him talking animatedly from the other side. Most likely chatting with Clyde, she surmised. But it was when she heard another voice, or rather, Lincoln using another voice that she became suspicious. So instead of knocking on his door as she had planned, she instead chose to eavesdrop on whatever sort of conversation he was having...with himself.

"...so, did you hear about the dwarven mystic that was running amok in the kingdom last week?" Lincoln said, using a somewhat cartoony voice.

"Actually yes, I did hear about that." Lincoln said, now using his normal voice. "The city guards were going all over, looking for him!"

"Yeah, it was kinda confusing for me." The boy replied to himself in the goofy voice again. "I was working at the tavern and one of them comes up to me. Said he was looking for a small medium at large!"

There was a moment of quiet, then Luan heard someone snort and let out a half-hearted laugh.

 _[Sorry Lame-O, but the only thing funny about that was how dorky the dummy looked during the joke. Even the puppet you're using didn't look as lame.]_

"Oh, ha, ha. Good one Ronnie Anne." Lincoln said with mild sarcasm. "And I suppose that you could do better?"

 _[I probably could if i wanted to.]_ Ronnie Anne said. _[But I think I'll leave looking like a weirdo up to you. By the way, did you know that your puppet's eye is a little messed up?]_

"Oh man! I didn't notice that! I hope Luan won't be upset about that."

 _[It looks like you could fix it easily enough. Your sister probably has had to do it before. It shouldn't be a big deal.]_

"It might be since I didn't exactly ask her permission before I borrowed it!" Lincoln said with a touch of nervousness in his voice. "And she can be pretty protective of her comedy stuff, she won't be happy if she finds out."

Oh, he had that right. Luan was _very_ protective of her props and other comedy related items. Especially her beloved Mr. Coconuts. And now that she had heard that he had not only taken him without her permission, but had somehow damaged him as well? Luan wasn't going to let him get off easy for that. No sir, she clearly needed to remind her dear little brother of his place in the Loud House Hierarchy.

A swift kick to the door was all it took to fling it open and command the attention of her brother and Ronnie Anne. Both sets of eyes locked onto her as she stepped into the room and reached out towards Lincoln. From the screen of Lincoln's laptop, Ronnie Anne gaped as the camera showed her the live feed of Luan grabbing her brother by his tighty whities and hoisting them up with enough force to lift him into the air. He let out an immasculine yelp and his eyes widened to the size of dinner plates, moisture gathering in their corners at the sudden and unwelcome discomfort.

 _[Wow, nice technique.]_ Ronnie Anne commented.

"YOU!" Luan growled at the boy. "You have a lot of nerve, little brother! Going into my room without permission, when I'm not there and taking something that doesn't belong to you is bad enough. But you _damaged_ him too?! Let me see what you did!"

Lincoln obeyed and held up his left hand, showing Luan her missing belonging. However, it was not Mr. Coconuts he had in his possession, but a sock puppet with one of its button eyes hanging off of it loosely. Luan looked at it with confusion for a moment before turning her attention back to her brother.

"Wait, what's that?" she queried.

"One of your sock puppets." Lincoln whimpered out. "I'm sorry for not asking you if I could borrow it, but I didn't take it out of your room. I found it downstairs, on top of a basket of laundry. I'll fix the eye, just please put me down! This is unbearable!"

Luan gently set him back down and stepped around him to look him face to face. Lincoln met her gaze and saw the worry in her eyes. The unpleasantness of the surprise wedgie was quickly forgotten and he began focusing solely on her.

"What's wrong?"

"I can't find Mr. Coconuts. I thought that maybe you had him and..."

"Whoa, whoa. Hold on." Lincoln said. "I wouldn't do that to you! I know how much he means to you, so I'd never think about taking him without asking you first. When was the last time you saw him?"

"Just this morning, before I went out with Leni, Luna and Lori."

Lincoln took a moment to think, trying to remember anything that had occurred that morning which could be of help to Luan. As something came to mind, he perked up and gave Luan a reassuring smile.

"I'm pretty sure I saw Lisa coming out of your room a while ago. Maybe she has an idea of what happened!"

Luan was out the door the moment he finished speaking. Lincoln let out a sigh and attempted to fix his underwear, forgetting all about Ronnie Anne until he heard the girl giggling at him. He blushed and turned the laptop away for a moment so he could finish before turning it back around to continue their conversation.

"Sorry about that." he said, sitting back down.

 _[I'm not. That was actually pretty fun to watch.]_ Ronnie Anne said with a smirk. _[Say, do you think your sister could give me some pointers? I wouldn't mind being able to give someone a wedgie like_ that. _]_

"When you say 'someone', you mean me. Don't you?"

Ronnie Anne's smirk grew. "Maybe..."

Meanwhile, just outside of the converted linen closet, Luan stood hesitantly in the hallway. The door to Lisa and Lily's room was shut and in most cases, that would be because either Lisa was busy with her own studies or busy tutoring one of their siblings. Either way, she did not care to be disturbed unless it was of the utmost importance. Even so, Luan had to go inside. Her earlier worries over the possibility of Lisa taking him bubbling to the surface of her mind. Would the brilliant four year old take Mr. Coconuts? And if she did, for what purpose?

"She could be pulling him apart." Luan answered herself. "Like dissecting an animal. Or she might strap him to a rocket and launch him out of the atmosphere!"

Luan shook her head, clearing it of the thoughts. No, there was no way that would happen. That was just ridiculous. Why in the world would Lisa want to do something like that? To send Mr. Coconuts to the moon? Highly doubtful. Even the idea of Lisa picking him apart like a preserved specimen in a dissection tray wasn't as believable when she took a moment to think about it.

"Okay, Luan, calm down." she told herself. "Just knock on the door and ask her. Even if she has him, she probably hasn't done anything to him. I hope."

Taking a deep breath, Luan reached for the doorknob. But just before she could take hold of it, the door opened and Luan saw her little sister standing there. Lisa looked up at the comedian with one eyebrow raised in question.

"Luan, with whom are you conversing? I see no other signs of life, intelligent or otherwise, in the hallway at this moment."

"Oh, um no one actually." Luan said with a forced smile. "Just thinking out loud."

"I see." Lisa noted. "Very well then. To what do I owe the pleasure of your visit?"

"I just needed to ask you why you were in my room earlier."

Lisa's eyes widened, her pupils darting back and forth quickly before a nervous smile came to her lips. "I sincerely have no idea what you're talking about, elder sister. I haven't ventured outside of my room since I returned to it after consuming breakfast."

"Lincoln told me that he saw you leaving my room! Why would he lie about that? Please, Lisa. I really need the truth! What were you doing in my room?"

"Very well." Lisa said with a sigh. "I was simply...appropriating one of your possessions for the sake of my latest experiments. For what it is worth, I do understand that it was very dishonest of me to do so, but you were not at home and I was in no way interested in delaying my studies. I did plan on returning it at my earliest convenience once my work was completed."

Luan sank to her knees, a gut-wrenching feeling filling her. She felt her mouth going dry as she struggled to find her next words, a deep fear of the response they may get.

"What did you do?" She asked. "What kind of experiment did you do to Mr. Coconuts?"

"Mr. Coconuts?" Lisa repeated with confusion. "What possible use could I have for your interactive comedic figurine? At most, I've only ever considered removing him from your possession to study how it would affect your behavioral patterns."

Luan glared at the younger brunette, a hurt look in her eyes. Lisa picked up on this and let out a nervous chuckle.

"I hadn't intended for that to come out as a self-incriminating statement. I assure you that I have not touched so much as a single atom comprising of your beloved possession. In fact, it would no longer be necessary to do so at any point in the future as you are providing me with precisely what I would need in such a scenario. There for I no longer have any possible need to use Mr. Coconuts in any experiment."

A sigh of relief passed through Luan's lips. She stood back up and let her worries slowly ebb away. Meanwhile, Lisa began to rub her chin pensively as her powerful mind happened upon a thought.

"Then again, Mr. Coconuts would be a suitable test subject for the new fireproofing substance I've been attempting to create."

And suddenly, Luan's apprehensions were back full force. The idea of Mr. Coconuts being set a flame horrified her. She stood petrified, her pupils shrinking down to the size of pin points. Thankfully for her, Lisa noticed this and quickly made the effort to rectify her rare lapse in judgement.

"Of course that's only if I were unable to find other items on which to test if first! There is a plentiful variety of flammable objects within the household that would be just as adequate for that same purpose. So there would be no need whatsoever for me to use something with such a large amount of sentimental value."

Luan calmed herself down again, or at least tried to. The fact that Mr. Coconuts was still missing kept bothering her like a terrible itch. That and now something else as well.

"Wait. So if you didn't take Mr. Coconuts, then what did you take from my room?" she asked.

"Your hairbrush." Lisa frankly answered. "I'm using the strands of hair caught within it to test the shampoo I'm making. So far, all results are negative. The shampoo is proving to be caustic and eats away at the keratin rapidly. But thanks to the length at which you keep you hair, I have plenty with which to work. I can return your hairbrush to you now, if you wish."

"Oh, um, sure. Thanks."

Lisa went back into her room and retrieved the borrowed item for Luan. She took out a few more of the older girls hairs to use later and then brought it over to the door. Luan accepted her brush and then went to continue her search. But just before she got more than a couple steps away, Lisa called out to her.

"Just to inform you, I saw Mr. Coconuts on your bed this morning while I was inside your room. Furthermore, I wasn't the only one to intrude during your absence. Lynn entered your room shortly after I had departed."

Luan gasped, the feeling of hope at long last returning to her. Even if it wasn't a solid lead, it could still bring her that much closer in her search. Unable to contain herself, she turned back and scooped up Lisa in her arms, dropping her hairbrush on the floor. She then planted an appreciative smooch on the four year old's cheek. Lisa struggled to escape her older sibling's grasp and was grateful to be placed onto the floor again just as Luan went immediately over to the room in the center of the hallway.

"Lynn?" Luan called upon letting herself into the room. "Lynn?"

The comedian looked around the room, finding neither of its occupants present. Or so it would have seemed to her at first. The coffin sitting beside Lucy's bed was normally beneath it when not in use.

"She's not home." Came a muffled voice. Then the top of the coffin opened, revealing Lucy. "She had to leave a short while ago to attend archery practice."

Dang it, there went her lead. Luan groaned and turned to the only other person that was in the room. She didn't see the point in asking what time Lynn would be home, so she just went with the only other thing she could ask.

"You haven't seen Mr. Coconuts by any chance, have you?"

Lucy nodded. "I have. He's in the garage."

Luan let out a heavy sigh. "I thought so. Thanks anywa...wait. You saw him?"

"Just a little while ago." Lucy said. "I was playing the organ for Edwin. He might still be down there."

The next thing Lucy knew, she had been pulled into a tight embrace not unlike the one Lisa had received. Lucy shuddered at the close and affectionate contact, but didn't object to it verbally. It ended quickly enough and then Luan, filled with what Lucy would call 'nauseating levels of optimism', skipped merrily back out the door and into the hall.

"I'm coming for you my splinter-lipped little hunk!" she giggled on her way out.

Lucy shuddered a little bit again from the cheerful display from her older sister. She climbed out of her coffin and picked up her bust of Edwin, carrying it to her desk where she sat down and pulled out her poetry notebook and a pen. The spooky girl had a dire need to express some feelings now and wanted to make use of the solitude she only rarely got inside of her room. As she put her pen to the paper, she glanced at Edwin and gave a short nod.

"Yeah, I know. My older sister can be a bit of a weirdo sometimes." she said before going back to focus on her writing.

Meanwhile, Luan had reached the front door and was on her way out to the garage. Each step that brought her closer made her smile grow just a little bit wider. By the time she reached the door, the corners of her mouth were nearly up to her ears and she excitedly opened the door on the side of the structure.

"Oh, Mr. Coconuts! I'm here for you!" she chirped, stepping inside the garage and looking around. After a moment her eyes found the object she had been seeking so desperately. "There you...are? ...oh no. Oh no. No!"

Luan turned and ran from the garage, the shock of what she had seen giving rise to fresh tears. She choked back a small sob as she reached the front door and swung it open, dashing inside and nearly colliding with her older sisters, Leni and Lori. The eldest Loud child glared at her younger sister for almost bumping into them, but wasn't able to get out a word before Leni took notice of Luan's mood.

"Omigosh! Luan, what's wrong? Are you hurt?" Leni asked in concern.

A small nod, accompanied by sad sniffling was the only response Luan gave. Lori quickly started to look their younger sister over, not finding any sort of physical injury anywhere. And given how upset Luan was, she could only conclude that whatever was bothering her had to be an emotional issue. She pulled Luan in for a hug and began to gently rub her back. Leni joined in the hug and the two blondes allowed their upset sibling to let her tears flow freely. After a minute or two of letting it all out, Lori slowly leaned out of the hug, but kept her hands on Luan's shoulders.

"It's okay, Luan. Whatever it is that's bothering you, we're going to help you."

Leni nodded, still hugging Luan tightly. "Totes. Please tell us what's wrong so we can try to make it better."

For a moment, Luan said nothing. But then she found her voice and began telling them what they wanted to know. Although given how recent it was, she still struggled a little bit.

"I-I couldn't find Mr. Coconuts after we got back from the mall today." she said, her voice nearly a whimper. "I looked all over for him and then, just now, I finally found him in the garage. And...and...he was...he was..."

"He was what?" Lori asked.

"He was with Colonel Crackers and...they were all over each other!" Luan sobbed out. "He's cheating on me with my ex-dummy!"

The concerned looks quickly fell from the faces of her older sisters. Now the two of them just looked plain annoyed. And oddly enough, Leni seemed more irritated with it than Lori did. She stepped away from Lori and Luan and just walked straight to the front door.

"Okay, like, I am not going to stand here and listen to this. Uh-uh, not happening."

Leni opened the door and stepped out, shutting it firmly behind her. Luan glanced at the door before looking back at Lori.

"What did she mean by that?" she asked of her older sister.

"Exactly what it sounded like it meant. She wants no part of your ridiculous nonsense and you know what? Neither do I."

Lori went to leave as well, but wasn't able to get more than two steps away before Luan stopped her. The brunette threw herself down on the ground, wrapping her arms around one of Lori's legs. A frustrated growl sounded from Lori as she glared down at Luan.

"Luan! Let go of me!" Lori demanded.

"But I need your advice! Please Lori!" Luan begged. "What do I have to do to get my man back?"

"Oh, I don't know." Lori answered, sarcasm in her voice. "Maybe you could just go out to the garage and grab him? And then you should literally go and get some help."

"Help? You mean like a couple's counselor?" the comedian asked.

Lori slapped her palm to her forehead. "I really wish I had just left at the same time Leni did." She muttered to herself with a sigh.

At that moment, Lynn Sr. walked in carrying a medium sized box. He saw his daughters and more noticably, the position Luan was in. Then he saw that she looked up set and quickly hurried to her side and knelt down, putting his box on the floor so he could try to help her up.

"Luan, honey, why are you on the floor? Is everything alright?"

"She's fine, Dad." Lori told him. "Aside of having a stupid episode because of her doll."

"Doll? What doll?" the father asked.

"Mr. Coconuts." Luan said, allowing her father to help her onto her feet. "I couldn't find him and...and..."

Luan choked back a sob, still trying to process what she had seen in the garage. Her father gently cupped her face and smiled at her reassuringly.

"Oh, sweetie, it's okay. I was the one who took Mr. Coconuts."

"You did?" Luan asked with mild disbelief. "But...why?"

"Well, I wanted to try my hand at doing a comedy routine with him. I even got old Colonel Crackers for it too. I've been practicing since this morning. I planned on asking you, but you weren't home and I didn't think that you would mind if I borrowed him for a little while. It never even occurred to me that you'd be so upset about it. I am so sorry, Luan."

He gave her a quick hug and then took her over to the couch and had her sit down.

"You wait here and I'll go and get Mr. Coconuts for you. And if you like, maybe I can show you what I've been working on so far. Give you a nice laugh to make up for making you worry. How's that sound?"

Luan sniffed but gave her father a small smile. "I'd like that. But please ask next time you want to borrow him, okay?"

Lynn kissed her forehead. "I promise. Now you sit tight and get ready to hold your sides! I really think I got some comedy gold in store for you! I even got some of my party props to help spice up the act. I can't wait to show you!"

He headed over to the door and left the house. Luan took a deep breath, starting to feel better after all she had been through in such a short amount of time. She saw Lori out of the corner of her eye and noticed that she was just staring at her. It became pretty clear to Luan just why that was and she gave a meek smile and laugh.

"So, it looks like that whole scene that I found in the garage wasn't what I thought it was. I guess I kind of overreacted, huh?"

"To put it mildly, yes." Lori said, crossing her arms. "You're a real piece of work, you know that?"

Luan's smile fell and she looked down at her lap, muttering out an apology. Lori sat down beside her and put her arm around her little sister's shoulder, using her free one to pull out her phone and begin texting. At first Luan wasn't sure if she should say anything else, but the silence was getting to be more than awkward.

"Lori, I know that I was..." she began.

"It's fine, Luan." Lori interrupted. "I can understand why you were acting like, well...yourself. You just love Mr. Coconuts that much and if there's one thing I won't question in this world, it's love. It's just a shame that you haven't found a real boy who you can feel about that way yet. But we can work on that later. Let's just wait for Dad to come back so we can see if he can actually make us laugh. He probably will, but I literally doubt it will be because of his jokes."

"You never know, he might surprise you. Where do you think I got my talent from?"

"My point exactly." Lori said with a smirk. "You're jokes are usually more annoying than funny."

"Ha, ha, Lori. I'll have you know that I get plenty of laughs. Leni happens to like lots of my jokes. Say, do you think she's still going to be upset with me when she gets back from wherever she went?"

"Oh, don't worry about Leni. She may not have been in a good mood when she left, but that doesn't mean she's mad at you."

Lori was right. Leni wasn't mad at Luan at all. But she was definitely mad at someone. Two someones in fact.

"Shame on you! Shame on both of you!" She spat venemously at the objects of her ire.

Mr. Coconuts and Colonel Crackers both lay lifelessly on the floor of the garage beneath the blonde. She glared down at them, hands on her hips, and waited for a reaction. But the two dummies did and said nothing, for reasons that would be obvious to anyone aside of Leni Loud. And since she wasn't getting a response from the two, she just decided to continue from where she had started, narrowing her eyes at Mr. Coconuts.

"My little sister has given you some of the best years of her life and this is how you repay her? You were lucky to have found someone like Luan and now you broke her heart! I thought you were a nice guy, Mr. Coconuts! And _YOU!_ " She snarled, turning her attention to the older dummy. "You're, like, old enough to be Mr. Coconuts' grandpa! I don't care if you like guys, but you need to find someone closer to your own age, Colonel Crackers. And someone who _isn't_ already in a relationship!"

Leni turned, flipping her hair as she went to leave the garage. She cast a cold glare over her shoulder as she reached the door, her tone matching its icyness as she got in her final word.

"You two had better find a good way to apologize to her. If not then you can, like, forget about ever talking to her again! Because if she doesn't forgive you, then I won't let either of you near her!"

She opened the door and found her father on the other side as he was about to go to open the door himself. He smiled at his daughter and she stepped aside so he could enter.

"Hey Leni, what are you doing out here?" he asked.

"Nothing." Leni answered. "Except for dealing with those two for Luan." she added, giving the dummies another glance.

"Oh, don't worry about that. I came in to get them myself. I've had them out here pretty much all morning."

"You did?" Leni asked with surprise.

"Yep. I was just about to bring them inside and show Luan what we've been up to. Want to come and watch?" Lynn Sr. asked, kneeling down to pick up the two dummies from the floor. "I promise you'll like what you see. Right Colonel Crackers?"

"That's right!" Lynn said in a Minnesotan accent out the corner of his mouth, speaking for the Colonel. "We're going to put on one heck of a show! It's gonna be a gay old time!"

A shocked gasp came from Leni after she had heard the offer. She scowled and shuddered before turning on her heel and storming out the garage's doorway.

"EW! No! I, like, can't even right now!" she said before turning and pointing an accusing finger at her father. "I am your daughter! I totes cannot believe you asked me to watch!"

"What was that was all about?" Lynn Sr. wondered aloud.

Mr. Coconuts, who was on Lynn's right hand, looked up at the man and gestured for him to come closer. Lynn leaned down and lent an ear for the dummy to whisper into.

"What's that, Mr. Coconuts?" He asked, his eyes going wide with shock a moment later. "She thought we were doing WHAT?!"

The end.

 **So to be completely honest myself, I'm not entirely sure about the ending. But endings are not my strong suit, so I only ask that you try to refrain from being too harsh if it wasn't to your liking. But either way, thanks for giving this a read!**


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